This Floating Excrement Was Way Too Symbolic! It's the TV Letdowns of the Year.
As we consider the television offerings of the past year, a selection of shows emerge not for their brilliance, but for their spectacular failures. Ranging from cringe-inducing sequels to bafflingly bad documentaries, here are the productions that left us utterly bewildered or just reaching for the remote.
The 'Sex and the City' Sequel
Where to begin with this love/hate follow-up? Plagued with woeful scripts, painful character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the show struggled to find its footing. For a moment, as the third series started, it looked like it had at last hit its stride. Then came an episode all about Seemaâs natural deodorant. Little surprise the showrunner announced this would be the last season. It concluded on a low point; the closeup of Mirandaâs toilet full of poo was just way too symbolic. Still, viewers undeniably found joy dissecting every single âwhat on earth?â episode. And as Carrie â once again single â danced around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who didnât let out a little sob?
Allâs Fair
âIs Kim Kardashian an actress? Of course she canât.â
But that was practically the least of this drama's problems. The recipient of a very rare zero star assessment, it was difficult to know where to begin enumerating the problems. The laughably wooden dialogue? The tedious veneration of wealth and consumption? The seemingly deliberate parade of cliches? Acting so poor they felt almost malicious? Letâs just say âeach and every oneâ and never speak of this series again. However, a new season has been commissioned, so weâre likely going to have to.
The Charlie Sheen Documentary
Considering the restraining orders, domestic violence claims and fatherly failures, itâs reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not that youâd truly have gleaned it from this multi-part docuseries which smirked its way at Sheenâs various bouts of self-destructive hedonism while failing to tell us anything we weren't already aware of. Rather, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any sympathy this series might induce should be reserved for the people who have had to suffer close contact with this charismatic but dismissive egotist.
The Iris Affair
Of course we knew it was preposterous from the get-go: a drama about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises â or annihilate all of humanity. We stuck with it out of sheer admiration for its stars ⊠but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One scarcely reacted when his character died, and the other ended up hacking Charlie with an axe ⊠in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.
MobLand
Shady characters convening in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigyâs Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its crime drama back.
In truth, that is unfair on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many seem a little dated now, but at least they didnât suffer the embarrassment of having to accommodate baffling accents. But there were many other problems. Primarily that it was just profoundly boring; a conflict over narcotics territory between various cockney picaresques which felt rather simplistic.
The Meghan Markle Series
Given the extent to which she grinds the gears of certain ostentatiously enraged commentators, itâs temptingly easy to admire the Duchess of Sussexâs televised forays into quaint lifestyle as deliberate statements. But then you view them and are forced to concede that actually, they might have a point. Itâs like watching a homeware magazine come to life; a poster for wine oâclock with ideas of grandeur; a parade of snoozing dogs, buzzing beehives, sentimental sayings and pointless crafting âhacksâ youâll not remember instantly. All supported by immense, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.
Victoria Beckham
There are clearly interesting things to be discussed about both Victoria Beckham and her struggles with vocation, identity, self-worth. But for some reason, this documentary series chose not to say them. Instead, the experience was like reading a sales catalogue. She clearly has good reason to bridle at what she describes as her âsternâ image. But unfortunately, she didnât do herself any helps with this cagey letdown of a series.
The Inheritance
It should have been the next big hit â except even more extravagant, with a famous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality overseeing her estate. What more could you want? As contestants competed, there was plenty of betrayal and arguing. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: itâs even now too complicated to detail what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw brief appearances of the star via prerecorded videos. The show ended up smelling of a production that was straining desperately to emulate something far greater than it.
Too Much
How do you succeed a show that captured a generation? The expectation was immense for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who arrives in London with a broken heart. The lead actress seized the opportunity by the horns and was joyous to watch, embodying Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, paradoxically, was not enough. Plus, the abundance of celebrity friends involved felt uncomfortable.
Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping
Not good enough to be âpatchyâ.
Given the shrewd inclusion of talented emerging comics, hopes were high. But unhappily, most of it didnât land. A particular sketch was a single joke milked to a husk but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a well-known ranting mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, meanwhile, simply inspired the idea that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.
The Knox Dramatisation
This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively presented the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an interesting drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this isnât it. The material needed to be treated with care. Rather, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right tone, lumbering from oddly breezy, slightly mannered farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Complex? Arguably. A complete mess? Absolutely.
Prime Target
We love the star ⊠but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so smart heâs on the brink of a breakthrough that could ruin society? Nope! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services spying on â and eliminating â intellectuals frankly got more farcical by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.
The Bonnie Blue Documentary
This uncritical portrait followed the online personality notorious for sexual exploits as she undertook her biggest feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we wanted was far greater examination of her actual psychology, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have spoken to the now-famous mum who showed up to haul her son away from the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and zero interrogation of her notoriety whatsoever. And to think, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.